I Plumb

Over the weekend, I installed a new toilet. In my bathroom. All by myself. And I didn't cry once.

I'm Expecting a Flood of Wedding Invitations!

I was raised to believe that everyone is equal - regardless of race, sex, religion, ability, hair color, grammar usage, or sexual preference.

I was so convinced of these basic human rights that in 7th grade I challenged Mike Sturgeon to a Battle of the Sexes, to prove that women are just as capable as men. I don't remember who was declared the overall winner, but I do recall that I fractured his wrist when we were arm wrestling (I pulled an "Over the Top" move. Thank you Sylvester Stallone). My convictions only grew from there.

Over the past couple of years, I've heard stories of same sex couples who weren't allowed into hospital rooms to see their partners because they weren't 'family'; or of surviving partners being charged insanely high inheritance taxes because they weren't legally considered a 'surviving spouse'. Can you even imagine the emotional damage that would cause? When I hear such horrific things, I always imagine myself in their shoes and it just breaks my heart.

I can't understand why the government has ANY say when it comes to love. Love is just love.

Arrogant politicians playing "God" disgust me. (I'm still looking for an island I can move to where I can be my own government - recommendations are welcome!)

So yesterday, when the Supreme Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional, and then also dismissed the appeal for Prop 8 making it legal for same sex marriages in California, I was almost speechless. Elation, awe, pure joy - pick a synonym for 'happy' and I felt it. Not just because it was the right thing to do, because now ALL of my friends can experience the joy of marriage and all that comes with it.

It seems like the fight to legalize same sex marriage nationwide is picking up momentum. I hope that momentum continues and ultimately results in marriage being considered just that - marriage. Not gay marriage, not straight marriage - just marriage.

I thank the Supreme Court for doing the right thing. And I urge everyone to get involved in the fight, so that one day this will be a thing of the past, and everyone can feel safe in their love.

'What's That Bewitching Scent You're Wearing?'

It's public bathroom air freshener.

Am I the only one who sees a serious flaw in the decision to put the auto spray air freshener just above the towel dispenser? I've been sprayed twice now and I don't think the eau de parfum of the 3rd floor ladies' bathroom quite goes with the scent I usually wear.

I feel like I need to put a disclaimer on my office door so people don't think I voluntarily smell like this.

Urf.

I ♥ Public Transportation

http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/meanwhile-on-the-subway

I once heard a story about a friend who threw up in her purse on the subway. Kinda bummed that it didn't make this list.

Never Ever Shake a Co-Worker

It's tempting, though.

And there are days (like today) where I'm weighing the options - punch someone in the mouth to get them to shut up, or close my door and do nothing.

I know that physical violence is frowned upon by HR. But it can be extremely effective. Just like Duct Tape.

Глобальное господство

People in Russia read this blog. I also have readers in Alaska. Who knew?

Two steps closer to global domination.

Oh No She Didn't!!!

Someone recently told me about a uniquely horrifying experience she had and I just have to share because it's so unbelievable. This is what happened:

She was in the bathroom at work, headed to the sink. There was a woman in another stall having, shall we say, "issues". And in order to mask the noise of said "issues", the woman started singing gospel songs.

I have several thoughts on this.

First - WTF?

Second - Why didn't she just employ the courtesy flush?

Third - Can you really sing and shit at the same time? I should probably be impressed with such a talent, but honestly I'm just mortified.

Fourth - What is the appropriate protocol in that situation? Run like hell? Pretend nothing is happening? Sing along?

Fifth -  Wouldn't beatboxing or some kind of rap music be more effective at disguising that?

Sixth - Would Jesus be offended that you used gospel music in such a disgraceful way?

Schmu S Airlines - Grab Your Knot!!!

In May 2012 I wrote about a promotional offer I received from an airline, where I was turned down from redeeming that offer because I was single. That was almost a year ago.

In the mail yesterday I received an urgent letter from said airline - reminding me to redeem the promo and get my 2 free tickets.

Seeing as I'm still single, that could be a little difficult. But hey, thanks for driving home the point Schmu S Airlines - you're fantastic!!!!!

You Did What?! O.M.G.

The other night I was having dinner with some friends and we got to reminiscing about one friend's hysterical mishaps in life. She is the poster child for "Why does this happen to me?". One of my favorite stories goes like this:

She had to get a drug test for a new job she was starting. She was already running late when she realized she had to poop and, unfortunately, the testing facility was in an industrial part of town - there was nowhere to stop first. So she gets to the appointment and goes into the bathroom to pee in the cup. And without intending to, leaves a not-so-little bonus prize. Knowing she couldn't flush the toilet, she panicked and didn't know what to do. So she walked out of the bathroom and told the woman conducting the test, "Sorry, I guess my morning coffee kicked in."

Classic.

It's like watching a horror movie, waiting for the scary clown to jump out of the closet

I've really come to dread that split second of required mental preparation as I push open a public bathroom stall door. Because let's be honest - you really have no idea what you might encounter.